“I’ll do it by myself”
I recently tweeted something that went viral. It got a lot of people talking about learned responses:
“I’ll do it myself” is a learned response often rooted in disappointment, trauma, and abandonment.
It was shared quite a few times on different platforms so I’m assuming it resonated with a lot of people.
We can’t do everything on our own but we think we can. This tends to happen after we have been in situations that have left us disappointed and abandoned. Sometimes this can start as early as infancy. If our caregivers fail to meet our needs we begin to learn how to be overly independent. We start doing things for ourselves more and more, and we eventually stop asking people for help because they don’t come through for us. This leads to burn out and can result in changes in our mental health.
How can we change this?
Write down a list of your loved ones that have asked to help you / have helped you in the past.
Recall how the experiences were with those people to determine if you would like for them to help you in the future.
Tell yourself it’s okay to ask for help sometimes.
Refer to this list when you start feeling overwhelmed.
Lean on them when you need help.
If someone says “no” to your request, that is their right. This may discourage you but remember that they may have prior engagements. It is not a reflection of you. You can ask someone else.
